You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
