i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
