in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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