i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
