Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
