I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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