how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
