Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
