someone owes me an orgasm
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
