I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
