Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
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