he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
