oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
she woke up with a sticky ear
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
