my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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