No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Little spoons don't ask big questions
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
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