dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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