I'm pants shitting drunk right now
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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