so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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