Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
