someone threw a dead crab at me
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
