Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
