so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
