what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Randomize
