I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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