Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(301): View more from Maryland

you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.

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(406): View more from Montana

Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.

(1-406): View more from Montana

Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs

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(917): View more from New York City

we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.

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(605): View more from South Dakota

and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.

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(541): View more from Oregon

We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault

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(573): View more from Missouri

I want her autograph on my taint

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(586): View more from Michigan

omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"

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(812): View more from Indiana

I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.

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(661): View more from California

I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.

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