I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
