Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
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