There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
