My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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