The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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