I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
