at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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