i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
i think im in europe. pls send help
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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