just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
