I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
