Christians are straight up FREAKS
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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