I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
