When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
