I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
