I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
