Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Is that strawberry winking at me??
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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