I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
