Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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