last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
