Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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