i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
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