I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
