we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
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