i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
