I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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